Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
I know you would. And one day, we'll have a moment where i'll verbally assault a stranger for you.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
