dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
Randomize
