I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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