They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
He did not appreciate the "you did reuse the diamond" comment when looking at his new fiance's ring.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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