i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
