Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
Randomize
