i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
