Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
