I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
