OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
This is the difference between me and him; he buys you flowers, I buy you a dildo
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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