oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
