In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
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