We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
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