I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
My friends son got stung by a jellyfish over the weekend and we seriously stood there debating on whether or not we should pee on this toddler.
Hungover in church. I can feel stained glass Jesus judging me.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Randomize