im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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