the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
Randomize
