i barfeds in our rink
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
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