Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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