I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
