are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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