PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
