I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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