remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
and you fell through a lawn chair
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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