I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Chelsea passed out in the kiddie pool. Just added around 28 boxes of jello powder. Will let you know how it works out
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
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