Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
