The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
