I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
The fact that I woke up with my panties on the counter and a piece of pizza stuck in my sheets is what scares me.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Randomize
