so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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