No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
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