she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Second night back. Go to house party and played ring of fire. Me plus five other people completely naked. College wins.. It's going to be a long semester
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
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