dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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