i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
