whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I intend to get homeless drunk
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I feel like one thing if I have going for me is that my bed looks like a nice place to have sex
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Was it a bad idea to have spent all of my tax return on coke?
Randomize
