Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
