If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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