Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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