D3 body, D1 cock
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize