The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I'm cooking a can of baked beans on the baseboard heater. It is too early in the semester to be this poor.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Both the cop and the paramedic were hitting on me while I was on the ambulance. My boob fell out and they just about had full on erections right there. They Came back two hours later to sign my cast with their phone numbers. #stillhotwhilebleeding
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
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