I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I made a joke about The Hemingway being a really boring sex position where you blandly describe all the action and then kill yourself after you orgasm. He stopped responding. I've GOT to stop talking to everyone like they're you.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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