I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
The moment you ate chicken nuggets out of your purse you were my hero.
Where the hell did i get chicken nuggets from
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
