i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
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