well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
pray to the hookup gods
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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