Only a mothe r could love this liver
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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