just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
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