Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize