Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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