it's not cheating when I paid for it
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Randomize
