I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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