Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
Randomize