he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
my grandpa was trying to put butter into the pepsi and i'm like "grandpa what are you doing" and he looks down and goes "well i guess that wouldn't taste good anyway"
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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