i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Randomize