The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
I have feelings that need drinking.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
