oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
