i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
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