If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Randomize