I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Randomize
