I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
He kissed my cheek and I could smell it the whole way home like shit
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
Randomize
