I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
If my penis could make facial expressions, it would constantly have a smile on.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
