dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I pour the whiskey from now on
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
