I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
