Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I an in a belgian bar and i cant understand shit. Trying to talk to strangers. Getting drunk until we all speak the same language. Brace for updates.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
Randomize
