guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
the remote is under the fat chick passed out on the couch. Good luck .. and may god have mercy on your soul.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
I'm developing all these feelings it's disgusting.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
