I showed him my bush... on skype.
road dome is illegal, just asked in driving school.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
