So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
She was drunk and naked on our couch, sweating and masterbating to SNL. We made eye contact and she didn't even stop. It's new-roommate-o-clock
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
