Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I like how I can go from sucking dick in the my basement to singing along to veggie tales with my family in a span of 10 minutes.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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