so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
Will it be a clothes optional week when I get there? I have an amazing outfit of tattoos and toenail polish planned.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
Randomize
