she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
just saw the guy i hooked up with last nights' face on a billboard. win.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
She'd probably like you more if you'd stop fucking her husband.
Randomize
