We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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