We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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