haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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