I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
