We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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