My Higher Power is John Stamos
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Who put my cat in the fridge?
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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