Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Can you bring me the toilet please
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
