WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
So many bounce houses so little time
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
