I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
Randomize
