it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I don't think I even want to know why you are sending my husband pictures of your nutsack.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Randomize
