you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
