I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
I walked in and saw her crying and singing to her dog
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
Randomize
