Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Clothes are such an inconvenience.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
That's the kind of activity you can only get away with by wearing a lion codpiece
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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