Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
