I'm so fucking centered right now
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Randomize
