That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
Welp I just blew a load probably the size of a small pond if not a lake
Who the fuck is this
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
