This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Randomize