i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
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