I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Randomize
