You were right. It hurts to walk today.
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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