It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
I just got woken up by that guy wearing a Krispy Kreme hat giving out donuts
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
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